


not gonna die today

by noturpartyfavor



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Blood, Gen, Knives, Luther - Freeform, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, because he sucks so much lol, i feel like he should be a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-06 20:33:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17946659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noturpartyfavor/pseuds/noturpartyfavor
Summary: diego’s siblings try to save him from himself.





	not gonna die today

**Author's Note:**

> TW: self harm!! please don’t read this if it will trigger you!!   
> lowercase is purposeful, i’m gay and inarticulate 
> 
> not beta-d

13 years old

it had been a week. a week and not a word from five. diego felt so alone. luther had allison. klaus had ben. and diego had no one. reginald didn’t even seem concerned about his missing child. diego was terrified without his brother. sure, they were all exactly the same age, but five had always seemed older, wiser, more protective. he helped diego through nightmares, didn’t make fun of him when he stuttered through simple sentences like the others did. he was the only one who would’ve been able to help him through this. 

it was a stupid mistake. he stuttered on a word in front of one of the bank robbers, who in turn, laughed at him. when the tears were clouding his vision, klaus got shot. if diego had been paying more attention, he could’ve stopped it from happening. now klaus was struggling to breathe in the makeshift hospital room downstairs while diego was fine in his room. it wasn’t fair. he had to be punished. 

the knife slid across his wrist easily, and it stung. he deserved to hurt as much as klaus was. so a few more. or maybe more than a few. and then he was asleep, tear tracks staining his face. 

 

15 years old 

as far as diego could tell, if anyone had seen the cuts, they hadn’t cared. they hadn’t brought it up, so obviously they were fine with it. as they should be. he did, after all deserve the pain for his mistakes and his faults. 

the cuts were getting deeper. he was using sharper knives and caring less about how close he got to veins. as far as he was concerned, the more blood, the better.

 

17 years old

diego was getting sick of the looks. klaus and ben knew. and they cared. not enough to bring it up, but apparently enough to whisper to each other when he entered rooms and send him sad, pitying looks. 

klaus cornered him in the main hall on the way back in from a mission. diego made a dumb mistake, and allison paid for it with a clean cut on her arm. luther had yelled at him, even shoved him against a wall for it, but diego knew he deserved worse. 

“that wasn’t your fault. allison moved after you threw that knife. she doesn’t blame you.” klaus was quiet, but his voice sounded scary. 

“it’s still my fault, klaus. leave me alone, this is none of your business.” diego hissed out, very aware of his siblings looking at them from the staircase. 

“none of my business? you’re cutting yourself! of course it’s my business!” diego shoved klaus away, but it was too late. the others had heard. klaus was never quiet, especially not when it mattered. 

“diego? is that true?” allison stepped forward with a concerned look on her face. her arm was outstretched, ready to comfort. 

“i- no! of course not! leave me alone!” diego pushed through the others and ran up the stairs as quickly as he could. 

“diego!” allison is yelling after him, but he barely hears her. the sound of his heart is too loud in his ears and he knows what he has to do. 

he’s used to sting of the knife on his wrist by now, but it’s never been like this before. this time, instead of something to placate his feelings, he’s hoping for a more permanent solution. 

not even luther is strong enough to break down diego’s door right away. allison and vanya are crying behind ben, who has his arms around them securely. klaus’ face is ashen, as if he’s going to be sick.

when they finally get through, diego is laying on the floor, taking shuddering breaths. he reaches towards his siblings with a blood covered hand. 

“sorry. sorry. i’m so sorry.” as diego says this, klaus is backing out of the room, his hand over his mouth. ben screams for their mother and then runs over to help luther. 

18 years old - one week later

“diego? can we talk?” his siblings are crowding into his room before he can give an answer. 

“i don’t feel like talking about it. please go away.” his voice is muffled by the blanket covering his face. 

“we’re not leaving until you talk to us, diego.” ben crosses his arms and leans against the door frame. 

“fuck off. i’m not talking about this.” diego says

“whatever, diego. look how upset you’re making allison. not everything's about you.” luther rolls his eyes, earning glares from his brothers and sisters. 

“fine. you wanna talk? let’s talk. i wish it had worked. i wish you’d let me die. we would all be better off.” diego’s voice has a cutting edge to it as he sits up in his bed. 

allison lets out a choked sob and steps forwards. 

“how can you say that? diego, what happened that made you think you had to start cutting? what’s wrong?” her tears are flowing freely. 

“five left. and nobody else cares about me except for mom. and she’s a fucking robot programmed to do that!” his words catch at the end of his sentence. 

“we all care about you, diego. we’re your siblings. we love you.” ben speaks up from the doorway. 

“whatever. i said i didn’t want to talk about this. please leave me alone.” diego turns away, wiping his tears sway roughly. 

they look at each other before shuffling out, realizing they won’t get anything out of him. 

“when you’re ready, i’m here. and i love you.” klaus pauses in the doorway and turns towards diego. 

“please don’t apologize for not wanting to be alive anymore. you never have to apologize for that.”  
klaus shuts the door behind him softly. 

diego lets out a long shuddering breath before standing up and crossing his room to lock the door.


End file.
